What's My Name?

A Short Story based on True Events

Hi. My name is Bruce Peter Reimer. Me and my brother lived in Canada, and were born in Manitoba. When we were six months old, we were both diagnosed with phimosis. We had to get a circumcision. I was too young to remember any of this, but the doctor accidentally burned off my bits. Beyond repair. Mum and Dad were scared that I might never experience sexual pleasures, and maybe never be happy, because of it. They didn’t operate on Brian, but the disability cleared anyway. It turned out it was one of those over-diagnosed conditions, due to failure to distinguish between what’s normal and what’s not. Mum and Dad saw a psychologist get interviewed on TV not long after.

His name was Dr John Money. When he heard about what happened, he wanted me to have a surgical sex change. He had quite the reputation as a researcher in gender identity. He reckoned that gender developed primarily as a result of social learning from early childhood and that it could be changed with the appropriate behavioural intervention. He said it would be the best thing for us. I became Brenda. But I was too young to remember any of that.

Now, I reckon Dr Money was working towards his own ends. He didn’t really care much for what was best for us. We’d be considered especially valid because we were twins and shared genes and environments. Also it would be the first time that this particular case had been performed on a boy with no genetic abnormality.

When I was two, I wasn’t very lady-like, and I’d tare at my dresses. I hated wearing them. It never felt right. I remember, I wanted to play with Brian and with his toys, and we’d fight a lot. When we were five, Dr Money reported that the experiment was a success. I remember, it was featured in Time Magazine. But he was a liar. The situation hadn’t improved at all. I was teased a lot for acting and looking masculine. And I’d tell people, I remember, about how I felt like a boy. It was like I didn’t even feel comfortable in my own skin! Even as Brenda, I never felt like a girl. I couldn’t identify with that. Mum and Dad never told me the truth.

We saw Dr Money every year. I hated it. I’d scream and get all mad. Brian would do the same. We didn’t like Dr Money. He’d pressure me into being more girly. He’d want me to act like a girl and look like one too. I didn’t like that at all. The last time we went, I ran all through the hospital, chased by a bunch of doctors in lab coats.

Dr Money was a pervert. He’d force Brian and I to rehearse sexual acts, involving thrusting movements, with me playing the bottom role. I had to get down on all fours with my brother’s crotch up against my rear. He also forced me to have my legs spread, with Brian on top. Dr Money forced us to take our clothes off and engage in what he called “genital inspections,” and stimulate copulation. One time, I remember, he took a photo of us doing these things. He’d make us watch hard-core pornography. He argued that childhood “sexual rehearsal play” was “important for a healthy adult gender identity.”

Money reported that my behaviour was “so clearly that of an active little girl and so different from the boyish ways of her twin brother." A student at the lab noted that Mum and Dad would routinely lie to staff about the success of the procedure. Visits to Baltimore were more traumatic rather than therapeutic. I was horrified when I began to grow breasts. Money would pressure us to bring me in for surgery in which I’d get proper girl bits, so we stopped seeing him. I told Mum and Dad that I would kill myself if they made me see him again.

Mum tried to kill herself once. And, I remember, Dad drank a lot. Brian got all depressed, and he’d take drugs when he thought we weren't looking. He’d get caught for petty crimes. He developed schizophrenia. I had suicidal depression. And I still felt like a boy.

When we were fourteen, Mum and Dad told us the truth. Dad told me. Not their own idea. Their endocrinologist and psychiatrist suggested it. Of course, I had a lot of questions. I was furious, but also relieved. It suddenly all made sense why I felt the way I did. I wasn’t some sort of weirdo. I wasn’t crazy. I deserved to ask questions. Why would they do that? Why did they have to circumcise me if Brian turned out alright? Why did they never tell me?

But my first question was, “What’s my name?”

I changed my name to David pretty quick. I liked that name. It sounded masculine. It was a normal name. I went back to being a boy. It was weird, but it felt right. I’d never really felt right before then.

I told my story to Milton Daimond, an academic sexologist, to argue against the similar treatment of infants. Then I went public. The John/Joan case had been huge before that. It was a key piece of “scientific” data. People still lie about it, so it’s still seen as a smashing success among different communities. I hate that.

I got married though – to Jane Fontaine. I adopted the three kids who came with her. She had a huge heart. She didn’t seem to mind too much about my past, and she cared about me.

I had a difficult relationship with Mum and Dad. I had to deal with unemployment too. Then Brian died from an overdose of antidepressants, which really sucked the life out of me. Two years later and Jane’s telling me she wants a divorce. And here I am two days later after that. Sitting in my car, in my home town, in a local grocery store parking lot, with a short-barrelled shotgun in my hand.

Hi. My name was Bruce Peter Reimer. But I won’t die with that name above my head.

http://www.bbc.com/news/health-11814300

https://en.wikipedia.org/wiki/David_Reimer

http://www.bbc.co.uk/sn/tvradio/programmes/horizon/dr_money_prog_summary.shtml

http://lca-psychology.weebly.com/dr-money-the-case-of-bruce-reimer.html

http://www.dailymail.co.uk/news/article-1332396/Bruce-Reimer-Tragic-twin-boy-brought-girl.html

https://samanthakatepsychology.wordpress.com/2012/04/28/david-reimer-possibly-the-most-unethical-study-in-psychological-history/

https://www.theguardian.com/books/2004/may/12/scienceandnature.gender

https://en.wikipedia.org/wiki/John_Money

http://www.whatsonxiamen.com/news15937.html

https://www.findagrave.com/cgi-bin/fg.cgi?page=gr&GRid=16482516

http://www.slate.com/articles/health_and_science/medical_examiner/2004/06/gender_gap.html